Tuesday, November 30, 2010
SIASIA QUITS HEARTLAND, GETS IMO GOV’S BLESSING
New Super Eagles Coach Lands In Abuja Ahead Of Unveiling
Samson Siasia departed Owerri on Monday after ending his spell at the Nigeria Premier League side to begin the first step of his new job as Super Eagles manager.
Siasia headed to Abuja Monday ahead of his unveiling ceremony on Wednesday by Nigeria Football Federation, NFF, to herald his enthronement as Lars Lagerback’s successor as Super Eagles coach.
On Sunday, Siasia was at the Dan Anyiam Stadium when Heartland edged Kaduna United 2-1 in a Premier League fixture but sat at the VIP Box.
The former Flying Eagles coach entered into a six months contract with Imo State government to tinker Heartland in their CAF Champions League campaign. The contract is billed to run out on December 1, 2010.
But his appointment as Super Eagles head coach drew acrimony by management of the Owerri club who claimed both NFF and the coach were guilty of breach of contract.
But on Wednesday, Siasia secured his freedom when he met with Imo State governor, Ikedi Ohakim.
Ohakim was said to have endorsed Siasia’s assumption of his Super Eagles role but also gave him the executive blessing to succeed.
“As I speak with you right now, Siasia is on his way to Abuja,” starts Personal Assistant to governor Ohakim on Heartland matters, Harry Awurumibe.
“We are not stopping him from handling the Super Eagles. Infact national interest should superced personal or sectional interest in anything we do.
“What we were asking for is for the NFF to respect due process and contracts. Our contract with Siasia is right there at NPL and NFF should ask them if they are in doubt.
“On Wednesday, the executive governor of Imo State bid the former Flying Eagles gaffer farewell, wishing him all the successes that are associated with Imo State in the discharge of his new assignment as Super Eagles coach,” Awurumibe concluded.
PM: No punishments for deadly Cambodian stampede
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| Cambodia mourns stampede victims |
Last week's deadly stampede during an annual festival won't result in criminal punishments, Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen said Monday in a speech broadcast on state television.
"No one will receive punishment for this incident," he said at the opening of a new government building in Phnom Penh. "We have to learn a lesson from this to solve such problems in the future."
Government investigators said last Wednesday that a suspension bridge swayed as thousands of people attempted to cross it during the annual water festival. The swaying apparently led to fears it would collapse, triggering the stampede.
Wizards Don't Need Supercomputers says Nigerian Philip Emeagwali
I am well known, but not known well. It is well known that in 1989, while solving a grand challenge problem, I discovered how to program 65,000 sub-computers to perform 3.1 billion calculations per second; what is not well known is that those 65,000 sub-computers were interconnected like an internet, working together to solve my 24 million algebraic equations at a speed of 3.1 billion calculations per second.
It is not well known that my algebraic equations were reformulated from 18 partial differential and difference equations that I invented. Or that I invented my 18 equations from the iconic formula F=ma which, in turn, were formulated from the 330 year old Second Law of Motion in physics.
It is not well known that I correctly reformulated those partial differential equations to simulate petroleum reservoirs. I did so because mathematicians had incorrectly formulated them for reservoir simulators in a manner that defied the Second Law of Motion. Under the Second Law, all simulators should account for the inertial force. Yet, not one did so!
First, I had to discover that the inertial force was missing from the iconic Darcy's formula for a century and half. Discovering that may seem obvious, yet it's not as obvious as the Earth is round. After all, the curved horizon at sea led scientists to theorize that the Earth is round. Similarly, errors in computed solutions led me to theorize that a fourth force was missing. The consequence is profound: ignore the inertial force and you've changed the Second Law of Motion and your simulation will be physics-defying.
Second, I had to incorporate these updates into my new partial differential equations, which are akin to the Navier-Stokes equations. These are the only equations that are cross-listed in both the "Seven Millennium Problems" of mathematics and the "20 Grand Challenges" of computing. Because it was challenging, it took me a decade to put the dots together and develop the connections between the Second Law of Motion, Darcy's formula, and the Navier-Stokes equations. I deserve credit for that achievement. The correct formulation was not at all obvious to mathematicians because they barely understood the physics. I certainly couldn't have come up with the correct equation if I didn't deeply understand both the mathematics and the physics.
Finally, the most difficult part was that I worked alone on solving the problem. In the 1980s, I alone programmed a dozen supercomputers, each powered by thousands of sub-computers that communicated as an internet. It was big science—in terms of labor and money—completed by one man with zero funding.
Today, no one person can embark on such a project because a supercomputer costs up to 1.32 billion dollars and requires 10,000 programmers. To make a name, you have to be a supercomputer administrator and take the credit for the discoveries of 10,000 scientists.
I did not begin my solution with the supercomputer, as was widely publicized in 1989. I had to understand the governing partial differential equations; understanding those helped me discover that they were not correctly formulated. They were incorrect because they only summed some of the forces. I summed all four forces in the reservoir simulator. Without my doing so, the simulator would compute everything wrong. This is what programmers call GIGO, Garbage In, Garbage Out.
This means that if you sum three forces in your partial differential equations, don't expect them to simulate as if you summed four. If the sum of the forces encoded into the reservoir simulator is not equal to the mass times acceleration, the equality will not magically reappear on any of its 65,000 sub-computers. In simulation, as in life, you cannot plant yams and expect to harvest corns.
The process of discovering partial differential equations and inventing algorithms for solving them was long and complex and not for the faint of heart. How did I invent them? First, I had to arrive at the frontier of knowledge in partial differential equations, before I could move beyond it. I then had to possess the mathematical maturity to understand why the previous equations were not balancing correctly. Finally, I had to have the confidence to attempt to re-derive two century old equations from first principles, namely, the Second Law of Motion.
This achievement of discovering equations and inventing algorithms called not for genius, but for courage—the courage to say: "Your F is not equal to my ma;" the courage to say: "You've unbalanced with three forces the equations that nature balanced with four." Because of my courage to say that the inertial force was missing, I was viewed as the child who pointed out that the Emperor had no clothes. I called upon geophysicists to ensure congruency between the forces in their simulator and reservoir. Both were in-congruent to each other because a four-force F was not equal to ma in their simulator but it was equal in their reservoir.
A supercomputer cannot discover that a fourth force was missing. I—its programmer—re-discovered the fourth force and correctly summed all four forces. The following story illustrates how dumb a supercomputer can be. A schoolteacher took her students on a field trip to see a supercomputer. The machine comprised of 65,000 sub-computers interconnected as an internet. It occupied the space of four tennis courts and consumed as much electricity as a city of 5,000 people.
"This supercomputer can come up with an answer faster than all of the combined efforts of humanity," the teacher explained.
She gave the supercomputer some difficult questions, and within seconds, it spat out the answers. The teacher turned to her students and said:
"You may ask it any question."
A child stepped forward and said,
"Hello, Supercomputer. How are you?"
There was no response!
As this story illustrates, I did more than switch my supercomputer on. A supercomputer cannot convert data to information, information to knowledge, and knowledge to wisdom. Only humans can convert data to wisdom. We make discoveries by taking risks, leaving our safe zones, and jumping into the deep end.
No matter how fast a supercomputer becomes it will still lack the self-awareness necessary to answer the simple question, "How are you?" A machine that can't see itself or react to failures within itself cannot correct incorrect equations. The supercomputer lacks the wisdom possessed by a baby. It can't answer profound questions, such as "Does God Exist?" It is the supercomputer that needs the wizard to make it super, beyond super.
Philip Emeagwali wrote the actual equations used by Exxon (now Exxon Mobil) to simulate the flow of oil, water, and gas inside its reservoirs. He discovered that their equations did not reflect reality and corrected their error.
It is not well known that my algebraic equations were reformulated from 18 partial differential and difference equations that I invented. Or that I invented my 18 equations from the iconic formula F=ma which, in turn, were formulated from the 330 year old Second Law of Motion in physics.
It is not well known that I correctly reformulated those partial differential equations to simulate petroleum reservoirs. I did so because mathematicians had incorrectly formulated them for reservoir simulators in a manner that defied the Second Law of Motion. Under the Second Law, all simulators should account for the inertial force. Yet, not one did so!
First, I had to discover that the inertial force was missing from the iconic Darcy's formula for a century and half. Discovering that may seem obvious, yet it's not as obvious as the Earth is round. After all, the curved horizon at sea led scientists to theorize that the Earth is round. Similarly, errors in computed solutions led me to theorize that a fourth force was missing. The consequence is profound: ignore the inertial force and you've changed the Second Law of Motion and your simulation will be physics-defying.
Second, I had to incorporate these updates into my new partial differential equations, which are akin to the Navier-Stokes equations. These are the only equations that are cross-listed in both the "Seven Millennium Problems" of mathematics and the "20 Grand Challenges" of computing. Because it was challenging, it took me a decade to put the dots together and develop the connections between the Second Law of Motion, Darcy's formula, and the Navier-Stokes equations. I deserve credit for that achievement. The correct formulation was not at all obvious to mathematicians because they barely understood the physics. I certainly couldn't have come up with the correct equation if I didn't deeply understand both the mathematics and the physics.
Finally, the most difficult part was that I worked alone on solving the problem. In the 1980s, I alone programmed a dozen supercomputers, each powered by thousands of sub-computers that communicated as an internet. It was big science—in terms of labor and money—completed by one man with zero funding.
Today, no one person can embark on such a project because a supercomputer costs up to 1.32 billion dollars and requires 10,000 programmers. To make a name, you have to be a supercomputer administrator and take the credit for the discoveries of 10,000 scientists.
I did not begin my solution with the supercomputer, as was widely publicized in 1989. I had to understand the governing partial differential equations; understanding those helped me discover that they were not correctly formulated. They were incorrect because they only summed some of the forces. I summed all four forces in the reservoir simulator. Without my doing so, the simulator would compute everything wrong. This is what programmers call GIGO, Garbage In, Garbage Out.
This means that if you sum three forces in your partial differential equations, don't expect them to simulate as if you summed four. If the sum of the forces encoded into the reservoir simulator is not equal to the mass times acceleration, the equality will not magically reappear on any of its 65,000 sub-computers. In simulation, as in life, you cannot plant yams and expect to harvest corns.
The process of discovering partial differential equations and inventing algorithms for solving them was long and complex and not for the faint of heart. How did I invent them? First, I had to arrive at the frontier of knowledge in partial differential equations, before I could move beyond it. I then had to possess the mathematical maturity to understand why the previous equations were not balancing correctly. Finally, I had to have the confidence to attempt to re-derive two century old equations from first principles, namely, the Second Law of Motion.
This achievement of discovering equations and inventing algorithms called not for genius, but for courage—the courage to say: "Your F is not equal to my ma;" the courage to say: "You've unbalanced with three forces the equations that nature balanced with four." Because of my courage to say that the inertial force was missing, I was viewed as the child who pointed out that the Emperor had no clothes. I called upon geophysicists to ensure congruency between the forces in their simulator and reservoir. Both were in-congruent to each other because a four-force F was not equal to ma in their simulator but it was equal in their reservoir.
A supercomputer cannot discover that a fourth force was missing. I—its programmer—re-discovered the fourth force and correctly summed all four forces. The following story illustrates how dumb a supercomputer can be. A schoolteacher took her students on a field trip to see a supercomputer. The machine comprised of 65,000 sub-computers interconnected as an internet. It occupied the space of four tennis courts and consumed as much electricity as a city of 5,000 people.
"This supercomputer can come up with an answer faster than all of the combined efforts of humanity," the teacher explained.
She gave the supercomputer some difficult questions, and within seconds, it spat out the answers. The teacher turned to her students and said:
"You may ask it any question."
A child stepped forward and said,
"Hello, Supercomputer. How are you?"
There was no response!
As this story illustrates, I did more than switch my supercomputer on. A supercomputer cannot convert data to information, information to knowledge, and knowledge to wisdom. Only humans can convert data to wisdom. We make discoveries by taking risks, leaving our safe zones, and jumping into the deep end.
No matter how fast a supercomputer becomes it will still lack the self-awareness necessary to answer the simple question, "How are you?" A machine that can't see itself or react to failures within itself cannot correct incorrect equations. The supercomputer lacks the wisdom possessed by a baby. It can't answer profound questions, such as "Does God Exist?" It is the supercomputer that needs the wizard to make it super, beyond super.
Philip Emeagwali wrote the actual equations used by Exxon (now Exxon Mobil) to simulate the flow of oil, water, and gas inside its reservoirs. He discovered that their equations did not reflect reality and corrected their error.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Meet my homies
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| Mr and Mrs Patrick Edoh-Ukeh |
God may not have to step down to prove himself strong before men and for men to believe he does exist. In my own words, God used this family, as a mean to reach and sharpening my destiny at the point it was most needed by me. No wonder the Bible records in "Jeremiah 29:11" that he (God) knows about us before we were born and he had me in his to pass through this awesome family in order to become me and what i am today. I am so privileged to have this couple as brother and a sister's in-law. She treats me as son and a brother even when i was becoming a hard nut at a point yet her love for me never changed. On the other hand, my visionary brother, managing director of PEEDJ NIG LTD a perfect gentleman and well respected Engineer excelling in his ministry, was little bit different from his beloved wife though for a positive side. He gave me huge opportunities and have always been my back bone. Thank you big brother and somewhat call you "Daddy". You through possess our late dad characters. keep it up and sky is your stepping ground.
Amazing couples at a wedding reception in Lagos, Nigeria
The home maker Mrs Edoh-Ukeh
This woman is an exceptional and highly gifted woman that God in his infinite wisdom found my dear brother worthy of and made them couple for a plan best known to him alone. Carry go and now is the manifesting time.
From left, Mr and Mrs Edoh-Ukeh, Pst Dan Onono and wife, Jnr Onono and brother Peter Edoh-Ukeh
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| Joseph Emekeme chilling off at home with Daughter |
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| Pst Innocent Edoh-Ukeh |
This is another gifted brother of mine. Looking handsome and indeed Innocent as the appears. He's presenting residing at Abuja, the country's capital. Missing you always and hope to meet someday soon. Innocent is happily married to Mrs Esther Edoh-Ukeh (number two) as she's fondly called.
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| My favorite niece tutu Ejiroghene Edoh-Ukeh and Voke Emekeme |
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Oh my long awaited EPL goal..
OBINNA NSOFOR ENDS EPL GOAL DROUGHT
FOOTBALL
Nigeria striker, Victor Obinna Nsofor put up a five-star performance for West Ham Saturday evening at the Upton Park grabbing his their first Premier goal as the Hammers secured their second win of the season courtesy of a 3-1 demolition of Wigan Athletic.
The pacy goal-getter on-loan from European Champions, Inter Milan, drilled a low strike into the bottom corner of Wigan’s goal in the 56th minute, after receiving a beautiful pass from Frederic Piquiunne.
Obinna striker was the second for the basement club, following Valon Behrami 34th minute strike which cooled frayed nerves at the stadium following the side’s indifferent run so far this season.
He later turned provider in the 75th minute, supplying an inch perfect cross into the six-yard box which Scott Parker crashed past Al Habsi to make it three goals on the night for the Hammers.
The victory was a much needed boost for the Avram Grant tutored side who were comprehensively beaten by Liverpool last weekend and have been experiencing series of losses in the league.
No wonder the match was billed by the West Ham board as the “save our season game,” although Grant rallied the club supporters to get behind the team prior to kick-off.
The victory was a much needed boost for the Avram Grant tutored side who were comprehensively beaten by Liverpool last weekend and have been experiencing series of losses in the league.
No wonder the match was billed by the West Ham board as the “save our season game,” although Grant rallied the club supporters to get behind the team prior to kick-off.
Grant relegated England striker, Carlton Cole, to the bench after the latter labelled last week’s defeat at Liverpool as “diabolical” keeping faith with Obinna and Piquionne.
He was repaid back with Obinna scoring a goal and setting up one, in a heart warming display that has been synomous with him since joining the club this summer.
The erstwhile Chievo Verona of Italy player has made 16 appearances in all competitions for West Ham, scoring three goals with 2 assists.
He was repaid back with Obinna scoring a goal and setting up one, in a heart warming display that has been synomous with him since joining the club this summer.
The erstwhile Chievo Verona of Italy player has made 16 appearances in all competitions for West Ham, scoring three goals with 2 assists.
Friday, November 26, 2010
GERMANY CRUSH SORRY FALCONS 8-0
Nkwocha Plays For 90 Minutes Uche’s Girls Ordinary In Germany Cold
FOOTBALL: |
| The reigning African women footballer of the year |
As exclusively reported by Complete Sports yesterday,Germany coach,Silvia Neid had expressed fears that the Nigerians might prove a hard nut to crack hinging her assessment on what she termed a vastly improved Falcons side, quiet different from the team she played against three years ago.
The German media shared in her sentiment before the match and a tough encounter was therefore predicted in most of the previews done for the match.
In fact the Germans believed that apart from USA and China,Nigeria has become the third team they have to really watchout for next summer on home soil when the FIFA World Cup party begins.
The match however turned into an anti-climax as the Germans put up a dominant display to maul their guests with Inka Grings scoring the first goal in the fifth minute.Kerstin Garefrekes expanded the lead to 2-0 on nine minutes before Grings again Grings made it three barely a minute later.
Germany’s most accomplished footballer of the present era,Birgit Prinz added a brace on 19 and 42 minutes to give the Germans an unassailable 5-0 lead in the first half.The Nigerians had lined-up a strong starting 11 for the match with the recently concluded CAF African Women’s Championships’ most valuable player,Stella Mbachu and top goal scorer,Perpetual Nkwocha in the mix but were effectively caged by their rampant Germans.
While Nkwocha lasted all 90 minutes,Mbachu was on for 78 minutes and was replaced by Adegoke.
The Falcons however kept it a bit tight in the second half and could only allow in three goals.
Germany’s U-20 World Cup star,Alexandra Popp scored the sixth goal (her fourth goal in eighth matches for the national team) before Garefrekes scored twice in the 62nd and 79th minutes to make the final score 8-0.It was Germany’s highest victory since mauling Argentina 11-0 in Septembre 2007.
It was also Falcons worst result since they lost by the same scoreline to Norway on June 6,1995.
Rising Coach.
The 2nd Nigerian ever coached premier league side in the under developing Cambodia Premier League (CPL) is coach Solomon Damagudu. He started with Wat Phnom FC then Naval FC though the team suffered huge send back during the season as lack of quality players rocked the club. Naval showed a brilliant and hard fighting spirit during their campaign even though a win was too far from reality for them. Being a prolific handler, solo as he fondly called, got what I call impressive offer from d boards of khmara FC, 2007 champion. He was handed the team alongside his assistant coach Dozie. The said team finished 2010/2011 season 7th position in the CPL. As to what's next online, coach solomon took on a low division side Mekong FC. He has been with the team for the past two months. Great results have been achieved so far and the obvious proof is that the said team has just won a championship title in all University football tournament in Cambodia. According to the players, coach solo is the best thing that ever happened to us in this team. We wish he choose to stay with us and take the team further into the CPL next year when the league kicks off.
My little tips about the high rising coach. Though he's being a friend and brother as we usually referred to each other. keep doing what you know best and the pressure of where would this take me to and how to fetch for the family should not be a primary concern now. The gift of a man makes room for him as quoted in a verse in the Holy christian Bible. I will keep all viewer posted here with happening and up coming sports event about coach solomon damagudu
My little tips about the high rising coach. Though he's being a friend and brother as we usually referred to each other. keep doing what you know best and the pressure of where would this take me to and how to fetch for the family should not be a primary concern now. The gift of a man makes room for him as quoted in a verse in the Holy christian Bible. I will keep all viewer posted here with happening and up coming sports event about coach solomon damagudu
I am Proud Of Naija
I am Proud of Naija
The year was 1914. The Right Honorable Frederick John Dealtry Lugard, 1st Baron of Abinger in the County of Surrey, British soldier, explorer of Africa, able colonial administrator whose present duty was to hold fort for His Majesty King George V, in the part of Africa known as The British Protectorate on the Niger River, sat at his desk in a most gloomy mood. He pulled at his long curvy, moustache, adjusted the collars of his well starched and ironed jacket as he affectionately fingered the button of his medal of honor. Where was he going to start? This assignment was so completely new to him. In fact it was out rightly difficult, if not impossible. Lord Lugard pondered on these thoughts as sweat drizzled down his forehead. His servant ran to him and wiped his brows with the immaculate white silk towel. Sensing that his master needed more, he ran to the back of the Victorian style house, filled the imported silver ware bowl with cool water from the dugout well and ran back to dab The Right Honorable’s face with a thick towel. If only all his subjects were like this his servant, Lugard pondered as he raised his head to let the strong black arms holding the towel to firmly massage his neck. He felt a bit more relaxed as he snapped his fingers. “Tan Sa!” the servant screamed as he saluted and hastily fled from the study, bulging stomach in front and over sized, over starched khaki shorts noisily tailing after. The problem with them is that sometimes they pretend they are with you, but you should hear the things they say when you are not there. Anyway, back to the issue at hand.
What was he to do? The natives in this part of His Majesty’s British occupied territories were giving him so much trouble. He had never had it so rough. Not in anywhere he had been assigned to as a colonial administrator. And he has been to quite a few places. As a representative of the British East African Company in 1890, he single handedly crushed the Ugandans, and secured British predominance of that area, bringing an end to all civil disturbances. He has always been a good soldier and was not afraid of blood. After he had proven himself in dealing with the natives in other parts of Africa, he was commissioned by the British government and sent to West Africa to raise a native force to protect the interest of Britain from the French, in the area known as Lagos and its surrounding hinterlands. He was an expert in raising natives to fight against themselves and to fight others – that was the highpoint of his career.
The case that bothered Lord Lugard now was different, radically different from the divide and rule, quench and kill, conquer and dominate approach that had worked for him all these years. This time he needed to unite. Yes, he needed to bring a bunch of the crude natives together for the simple reason that it was going to be easier for the government of Britain to administer it as one colony. In that way, all the natural resource being taken from this part of the world would be easily tracked and traded. It was also going to cost the British government less in the form of human and material resources sent from the home country to administer the often unruly natives. What's more, more tax will be generated for the central government and there will be harmonization in the development of infrastructures such as railways and harbours, needed to transport the raw materials from the colonies to the mother country. It was a highly profitable but very complex task.
Lord Lugard rose from his large desk, made with pure acacia wood and went to where he kept his leather-bound manuscripts. He needed to consult with some of the colonial papers to know how his predecessors and contemporaries have handled the huge task of amalgamating large tracts of land filled with ignorant and often hostile pagans. As he reached to pull the Indian files from the top of the cabinet, he felt her fingers. No he actually smelled her first but did not want to turn. He wanted her to hold him from behind as he knew she would. If he had turned, that would have spoiled the moment. She held her neck and squeezed tight with those tiny little fingers of hers. What makes her think that she can ever make him scream half as much as he would often pretend. Lord Lugard smiled wryly and looked at his wife. She was growing old and frail so quickly, all part of the stress of living in this part of the world.
“What is tearing out the heart of my beloved” she asked in her Irish tinged accent.
“My love, would that I was instructed by her majesty to conquer all of these territories all over again. I would have considered myself most favoured of The King, for that would have been a matter of iron and blood alone; but to unite these strong headed and stiff necked pagans and mohamedans. I suspect I am being set up for failure, my dear one.”
Flora smiled in her self assured way. Nothing ever seemed to bother her or make her feel incapable. Even when the uncivilized native women tugged at her wide brimmed hat or her long flowing gown during church service, she will just smile and try to say something in their language, making them bend double, screaming with laughter and baring their tobacco or whatever stained teeth, while clapping their hands in glee. That sight infuriated Lord Lugard.
“So what name does my beloved have for his new country”
The question seemed to come from nowhere.
“Did I hear you say name, my most adorable one?” Lugard could not make any connection between the problems he had to solve - organizing some ignorant bunch of natives - and giving a name to the place.
“The Royal Niger Company Territories, of course,” came the response. "Is it not what this part of the British Protectorate on the Niger River has always been called?”
“There lies the genesis of your problems, my darling one” You cannot use such bogus, official title for the new mandate you have been given. Give it a beautiful name, something classy and likable. A short easy to pronounce thing, very British and English, polished and interesting, and I promise you Great One, that all the other issues will gradually fall in place.”
“With due respects my dear, I do not know what a name has to do with the herculean task of organizing these rebellious groups of people. I perceive that you trivialize my mandate.”
Lord Lugard was getting upset. He had always respected his wife’s rare combination of brilliance and humor, but in this case she was taking things too lightly.”
“Not to offend you my heart, but think of the Scriptures. Did it not admonish that you cannot put new wine in old wineskin, for then it will burst.”
The Holy Book. That got The Imperial Administrator’s attention. He loved the things of the Lord and believed that indeed it was the divine directive of the Most High unto the English to civilize the rest of humanity, especially of the barbarous African tribes. Flora Shaw was a Sunday School Teacher, she knew the Good Book much more than him by every standard.
“You remember Abram? God had to change his name to Abraham so he could fulfill his divine mandate. And Sarai to Sarah, both of them, ever before they manifested their calling. Call this place something nice first, and you can at least think clearly enough to strategize and know how to start your administrative duties. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.”
She made sense. She always does, that daughter of a Crimean war veteran and grand-daughter of the famous colonial governor of Mauritius, George Shaw. In her own rights, a successful journalist, in fact, the only female reporter to cover the Anti-Slavery Conference in Brussels. Flora believed in colonialism and imperialism with all her might – she had once written that it was the only solution to the seemingly intractable problem of unemployment among the less privileged British people. Regarding South Africa, she wrote that “What English supremacy demands is …increased white population.” She viewed the African people as uncivilized, and therefore, inferior to Europeans, stating that the African’s role lies solely in assisting as a servant and worker to advance European’s economic goals. In short, Lord Lugard knew he could not have married a much better partner as an imperial administrator himself.
“And what name might my fair lady suggest we re-brand The Royal Niger Company Territories with? I would think Central Sudan. Is that not what the geographers and travelers call it.”
“I know those map carriers and travelers would rather call this area by that name, but is not the area closer to the Nile basin also known as Sudan? My love, I have been thinking of this for a long, long time, almost twenty years. In fact, the very first time I came by this part of the world, I knew it was only a question of time before His Majesty would rather merge the territories together for easy governance”
“Interesting, then. The whole idea of an amalgamation took me by surprise.” Lugard snorted, still angry and even resentful for being asked to unite rather than conquer as before.
“I would say “Nigeria” my dear. Just say it and feel how it rolls off your tongue."
“Nigeria” Lugard said with his brows slightly raised.
“There you go, quintessential British, classic English. Nothing like it, even the uncivilized natives will be proud of that name” exclaimed Flora as her blue eyes gleamed with delight and she clasped her hands, shaking them as she always did when excited.
“Come here, you sweet little beauty” Lugard drew Flora close to his chest and dug his head into her rich chestnut colored hair.
Fast forward to 2010. Almost 100 years later. Lord Lugard and his wife had long gone to join the other deceased imperialists, wherever they might be resting. The natives are now a little bit more civilized. They have since imbibed the ways and manners of the imperial masters; driving cars, dressing like the Europeans, singing like the Europeans and you should listen to them as they speak in Queens English. Indeed most of them can never be heard speaking in their backward, tongue twisting languages and dialects. They chastised their children to speak only English.
Indeed the natives liked the name Nigeria, just as Dame Flora Shaw, bless her soul, rightly predicted. Even the current wife of the president of Nigeria shares the same title “Dame” with the deceased first lady of Nigeria. No, the natives did not wear oversized and over starched khakis anymore to serve their masters as before. But in the blazing heat, they wore suits and tie to work and called their civil service the White Man’s Work in their various dialects; Oru oyibo in Igbo, Osise Ijoba in Yoruba, but that is for the few who cared to speak the language.
Everything is going as expected, except for some still rebellious natives, the uncivilized lot who would rather still go by their archaic and arcane grammar. They had corrupted the beautiful name “Nigeria” filled with Her Imperial awesomeness, to a worthless, Africanized version known as “Naija.” You should see as their bloated lips hang open, then twist to the left, then to the right as they pronounce “Naija,” so uncultured, so uncivilized. The sound of it is just so out of the jungle. Nothing close to what the Queen would be proud of. But those are the rebellious few. The stand of the government is still very much along the lines of the imperial wishes. The Minister of communications has issued a decree – pardon me – a declaration or warning of some sort. All of the uncivilized folks must be brought under the rule of her Imperial Majesty, I beg your pardon once more, the demands of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. She has declared the word “Naija” to be offensive to the civilized ear, “we have to stop the word because… if we don’t put a stop to its usage now, it will continue to project us wrongly.” Yes it will continue to project the people now inhabiting The Royal Niger Company Territories as rebellious, ready to fight for their land, their rights and their humanity, not like Lord Lugard’s servants, dressed in Khaki and running helter skelter to please his white masters. The people must not be permitted to use their language or dialect as a part of the national vocabulary for it is barbaric, unsophisticated, vulgar, uncultured, coarse, and rough-edged, to say the least. The people must be thought to shape their lips, straighten them out, suck them in to be as thin as the Brits, and in a little sweet voice with the correct intonations and properly acceptable English syntax pronounce “Nigeria.” Only in that manner would they remain in the good books of their present, sorry, former colonial masters. Long live Naija!
Posted by Edoh-Ukeh
The year was 1914. The Right Honorable Frederick John Dealtry Lugard, 1st Baron of Abinger in the County of Surrey, British soldier, explorer of Africa, able colonial administrator whose present duty was to hold fort for His Majesty King George V, in the part of Africa known as The British Protectorate on the Niger River, sat at his desk in a most gloomy mood. He pulled at his long curvy, moustache, adjusted the collars of his well starched and ironed jacket as he affectionately fingered the button of his medal of honor. Where was he going to start? This assignment was so completely new to him. In fact it was out rightly difficult, if not impossible. Lord Lugard pondered on these thoughts as sweat drizzled down his forehead. His servant ran to him and wiped his brows with the immaculate white silk towel. Sensing that his master needed more, he ran to the back of the Victorian style house, filled the imported silver ware bowl with cool water from the dugout well and ran back to dab The Right Honorable’s face with a thick towel. If only all his subjects were like this his servant, Lugard pondered as he raised his head to let the strong black arms holding the towel to firmly massage his neck. He felt a bit more relaxed as he snapped his fingers. “Tan Sa!” the servant screamed as he saluted and hastily fled from the study, bulging stomach in front and over sized, over starched khaki shorts noisily tailing after. The problem with them is that sometimes they pretend they are with you, but you should hear the things they say when you are not there. Anyway, back to the issue at hand.
What was he to do? The natives in this part of His Majesty’s British occupied territories were giving him so much trouble. He had never had it so rough. Not in anywhere he had been assigned to as a colonial administrator. And he has been to quite a few places. As a representative of the British East African Company in 1890, he single handedly crushed the Ugandans, and secured British predominance of that area, bringing an end to all civil disturbances. He has always been a good soldier and was not afraid of blood. After he had proven himself in dealing with the natives in other parts of Africa, he was commissioned by the British government and sent to West Africa to raise a native force to protect the interest of Britain from the French, in the area known as Lagos and its surrounding hinterlands. He was an expert in raising natives to fight against themselves and to fight others – that was the highpoint of his career.
The case that bothered Lord Lugard now was different, radically different from the divide and rule, quench and kill, conquer and dominate approach that had worked for him all these years. This time he needed to unite. Yes, he needed to bring a bunch of the crude natives together for the simple reason that it was going to be easier for the government of Britain to administer it as one colony. In that way, all the natural resource being taken from this part of the world would be easily tracked and traded. It was also going to cost the British government less in the form of human and material resources sent from the home country to administer the often unruly natives. What's more, more tax will be generated for the central government and there will be harmonization in the development of infrastructures such as railways and harbours, needed to transport the raw materials from the colonies to the mother country. It was a highly profitable but very complex task.
Lord Lugard rose from his large desk, made with pure acacia wood and went to where he kept his leather-bound manuscripts. He needed to consult with some of the colonial papers to know how his predecessors and contemporaries have handled the huge task of amalgamating large tracts of land filled with ignorant and often hostile pagans. As he reached to pull the Indian files from the top of the cabinet, he felt her fingers. No he actually smelled her first but did not want to turn. He wanted her to hold him from behind as he knew she would. If he had turned, that would have spoiled the moment. She held her neck and squeezed tight with those tiny little fingers of hers. What makes her think that she can ever make him scream half as much as he would often pretend. Lord Lugard smiled wryly and looked at his wife. She was growing old and frail so quickly, all part of the stress of living in this part of the world.
“What is tearing out the heart of my beloved” she asked in her Irish tinged accent.
“My love, would that I was instructed by her majesty to conquer all of these territories all over again. I would have considered myself most favoured of The King, for that would have been a matter of iron and blood alone; but to unite these strong headed and stiff necked pagans and mohamedans. I suspect I am being set up for failure, my dear one.”
Flora smiled in her self assured way. Nothing ever seemed to bother her or make her feel incapable. Even when the uncivilized native women tugged at her wide brimmed hat or her long flowing gown during church service, she will just smile and try to say something in their language, making them bend double, screaming with laughter and baring their tobacco or whatever stained teeth, while clapping their hands in glee. That sight infuriated Lord Lugard.
“So what name does my beloved have for his new country”
The question seemed to come from nowhere.
“Did I hear you say name, my most adorable one?” Lugard could not make any connection between the problems he had to solve - organizing some ignorant bunch of natives - and giving a name to the place.
“The Royal Niger Company Territories, of course,” came the response. "Is it not what this part of the British Protectorate on the Niger River has always been called?”
“There lies the genesis of your problems, my darling one” You cannot use such bogus, official title for the new mandate you have been given. Give it a beautiful name, something classy and likable. A short easy to pronounce thing, very British and English, polished and interesting, and I promise you Great One, that all the other issues will gradually fall in place.”
“With due respects my dear, I do not know what a name has to do with the herculean task of organizing these rebellious groups of people. I perceive that you trivialize my mandate.”
Lord Lugard was getting upset. He had always respected his wife’s rare combination of brilliance and humor, but in this case she was taking things too lightly.”
“Not to offend you my heart, but think of the Scriptures. Did it not admonish that you cannot put new wine in old wineskin, for then it will burst.”
The Holy Book. That got The Imperial Administrator’s attention. He loved the things of the Lord and believed that indeed it was the divine directive of the Most High unto the English to civilize the rest of humanity, especially of the barbarous African tribes. Flora Shaw was a Sunday School Teacher, she knew the Good Book much more than him by every standard.
“You remember Abram? God had to change his name to Abraham so he could fulfill his divine mandate. And Sarai to Sarah, both of them, ever before they manifested their calling. Call this place something nice first, and you can at least think clearly enough to strategize and know how to start your administrative duties. For out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaketh.”
She made sense. She always does, that daughter of a Crimean war veteran and grand-daughter of the famous colonial governor of Mauritius, George Shaw. In her own rights, a successful journalist, in fact, the only female reporter to cover the Anti-Slavery Conference in Brussels. Flora believed in colonialism and imperialism with all her might – she had once written that it was the only solution to the seemingly intractable problem of unemployment among the less privileged British people. Regarding South Africa, she wrote that “What English supremacy demands is …increased white population.” She viewed the African people as uncivilized, and therefore, inferior to Europeans, stating that the African’s role lies solely in assisting as a servant and worker to advance European’s economic goals. In short, Lord Lugard knew he could not have married a much better partner as an imperial administrator himself.
“And what name might my fair lady suggest we re-brand The Royal Niger Company Territories with? I would think Central Sudan. Is that not what the geographers and travelers call it.”
“I know those map carriers and travelers would rather call this area by that name, but is not the area closer to the Nile basin also known as Sudan? My love, I have been thinking of this for a long, long time, almost twenty years. In fact, the very first time I came by this part of the world, I knew it was only a question of time before His Majesty would rather merge the territories together for easy governance”
“Interesting, then. The whole idea of an amalgamation took me by surprise.” Lugard snorted, still angry and even resentful for being asked to unite rather than conquer as before.
“I would say “Nigeria” my dear. Just say it and feel how it rolls off your tongue."
“Nigeria” Lugard said with his brows slightly raised.
“There you go, quintessential British, classic English. Nothing like it, even the uncivilized natives will be proud of that name” exclaimed Flora as her blue eyes gleamed with delight and she clasped her hands, shaking them as she always did when excited.
“Come here, you sweet little beauty” Lugard drew Flora close to his chest and dug his head into her rich chestnut colored hair.
Fast forward to 2010. Almost 100 years later. Lord Lugard and his wife had long gone to join the other deceased imperialists, wherever they might be resting. The natives are now a little bit more civilized. They have since imbibed the ways and manners of the imperial masters; driving cars, dressing like the Europeans, singing like the Europeans and you should listen to them as they speak in Queens English. Indeed most of them can never be heard speaking in their backward, tongue twisting languages and dialects. They chastised their children to speak only English.
Indeed the natives liked the name Nigeria, just as Dame Flora Shaw, bless her soul, rightly predicted. Even the current wife of the president of Nigeria shares the same title “Dame” with the deceased first lady of Nigeria. No, the natives did not wear oversized and over starched khakis anymore to serve their masters as before. But in the blazing heat, they wore suits and tie to work and called their civil service the White Man’s Work in their various dialects; Oru oyibo in Igbo, Osise Ijoba in Yoruba, but that is for the few who cared to speak the language.
Everything is going as expected, except for some still rebellious natives, the uncivilized lot who would rather still go by their archaic and arcane grammar. They had corrupted the beautiful name “Nigeria” filled with Her Imperial awesomeness, to a worthless, Africanized version known as “Naija.” You should see as their bloated lips hang open, then twist to the left, then to the right as they pronounce “Naija,” so uncultured, so uncivilized. The sound of it is just so out of the jungle. Nothing close to what the Queen would be proud of. But those are the rebellious few. The stand of the government is still very much along the lines of the imperial wishes. The Minister of communications has issued a decree – pardon me – a declaration or warning of some sort. All of the uncivilized folks must be brought under the rule of her Imperial Majesty, I beg your pardon once more, the demands of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. She has declared the word “Naija” to be offensive to the civilized ear, “we have to stop the word because… if we don’t put a stop to its usage now, it will continue to project us wrongly.” Yes it will continue to project the people now inhabiting The Royal Niger Company Territories as rebellious, ready to fight for their land, their rights and their humanity, not like Lord Lugard’s servants, dressed in Khaki and running helter skelter to please his white masters. The people must not be permitted to use their language or dialect as a part of the national vocabulary for it is barbaric, unsophisticated, vulgar, uncultured, coarse, and rough-edged, to say the least. The people must be thought to shape their lips, straighten them out, suck them in to be as thin as the Brits, and in a little sweet voice with the correct intonations and properly acceptable English syntax pronounce “Nigeria.” Only in that manner would they remain in the good books of their present, sorry, former colonial masters. Long live Naija!
Posted by Edoh-Ukeh
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